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Hello my lovely reader

It’s good to be back trying to offer some advice on your submitted questions.

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Hi Sue

My name is Ray2016, I’ve been following your Blog and have enjoyed reading your posts , can I just commend you on the content, it’s varied and there is something for everyone. Well done you.

Question

May I ask you Sue for some guidance please.

I’ve been married for 12 happy years but time has gone on and the love we once had for each other has changed. There hasn’t been any physical contact between us for years, actually I don’t recall our  last sexual indulgence. We now care for each other and live our lives as friends and to all who know us from our family to friends would see us as a solid happy couple.

Im now 45yrs old and i’ve been searching my inner soul and asking myself question after question for many months so i’m not coming to you and asking you on a whim.

I need passion in my life, I want to come home occasionally and see the person i’m with desiring me or when we go out for a drink a sneaky kiss here and there, even a sexy gesture once in a while would be nice. Im not asking for the world or even seeking the world, I just now realise I can not stay as I am and neither do I want to for the rest of my life. I have now made my decision to leave my wife.

Yes as I said I do care for my wife and do not want to hurt her but now I have to think of me and my future, my mind is turbulent and restless. I ask you Sue because reading your posts you seem to be a worldly honest lady and some advice how to talk to my wife about my decision would be most appreciated.

I understand your a busy lady so I do not expect a reply instantly but I do look forward to hearing from you.

Sincere thanks

Ray2016

Answer

Hi Ray2016

Thank you for your kind comments, I do try to offer varied content on my blog page but i’m never sure if i’m getting it right. Your kind words are very encouraging and I hope you enjoy reading future posts.

Your question and thank you for reaching out,

You have obviously, from your words given yourself time to come to this difficult decision and I do strongly believe there are many people whether male or female wrestling with their emotions in the same vain as you are. Many people choose to stay with their spouse at this point because of children or because, financially it would be disastrous.

However, I do commend you on your decision and having the courage of your conviction to do something to change your situation even though its at the cost of a marriage breakup, which is always sad to hear but you are being true to yourself and your wife.

Breakups are never easy and if you are not careful you can destroy the other person even though they are not your intentions. I have been where you are and it’s not a pleasant scenario, but time is a great healer.

Personally in your situation your first step is to sit down with her and talk to her, tell her how you feel and reassure her that you do not want to destroy her, thats not your intentions. Explain this is something you have been wrestling with for a longtime and your decision hasn’t been reached overnight.

Your wife will need time to digest what you have said and time to come to terms with whats going to happen. Please if you can, wait until after Christmas to announce your feelings as this is a poignant time of year and could be extremely devastating for her.

Of course there is no easy way to breakup, there will be tears, verbal abuse but if you can, try not to retaliate as this is only her pain coming out and thats a good thing. If you stay calm then in a week or two broach the subject again and again if necessary. Eventually you should both be able to remain friends or at least be amicable with each other to sort out all the legal necessaries together.

It’s not going to be easy for either of you but in time you will both discover a new path and hopefully build a happy future.

Ray2016, I hope I have helped in some small way and I wish you and your wife both find some peace and honest direction is your endeavours.

Be kind and stay true

Take care of you and yours

Sue x

Sue’s Christmas Competition 2019