After Dark Diaries: A Raw Life Update

Loss & Starting Over in the UK

Hello to all new and old readers,

If you’ve followed After Dark Diaries for a while, you’ll already know I’m not one for sugar-coating things, and if you’re new here, well… consider this your gentle warning.

It’s been a while. Longer than I planned, longer than I’ll probably admit comfortably, and definitely long enough for life to throw in a few unexpected plot twists just to keep things interesting. Or, depending on your perspective… unnecessarily dramatic.

Some of you know me personally, that meaning you’ve probably heard the unfiltered versions, the voice notes, the “you won’t believe what’s just happened” updates. Others only know me through the blog, the stories, and the slightly chaotic energy that seems to run through everything I write. Either way, you’ve ended up here, and that counts for something.

For those who’ve stuck around quietly in the background… reading, checking in, maybe wondering if I’d disappeared completely… I see you, and I appreciate you more than you probably realise. And for anyone new stumbling across this, welcome. You’ve arrived right in the middle of a reset, a rebuild, and what can only be described as a very honest chapter.

This isn’t going to be one of those polished “everything is fine and perfectly on track” updates. That’s never really been my style anyway. What this is, though, is a proper After Dark Diaries update and life update… the kind where you get the real version, not the curated one.

There’s been loss, a lot of change, a fair bit of chaos, and more than a few moments where I’ve questioned what exactly I’m doing and where I’m heading next. But there’s also been growth in the background, even if it didn’t always feel like it at the time.

So whether you’re here for the updates, the honesty, the slightly sassy commentary, or just a bit of real-life storytelling that doesn’t try too hard to be perfect… you’re in the right place.

Let’s get into it.

A Difficult Goodbye

Many of you will know that I made a huge decision to emigrate a while back. It wasn’t for adventure or a dramatic “new life” moment… it was because my dad was very ill, and I wanted to spend time with him while I still could. Sadly, he passed away early in December. There’s no neat way to wrap that up… it was a horrible experience all round.

Losing someone is never easy, but doing so abroad adds an entirely different layer. Things aren’t handled the way we’re used to. The practices, the processes, the way everything unfolds… it can feel incredibly brutal and, at times, deeply undignified. It’s raw, it’s unfiltered, and it leaves you with images that don’t quietly fade away.

Those are the parts people don’t really talk about… the moments that stay with you when everything else has gone quiet. The kind that replay when you’re trying to sleep, or creep in when your mind finally slows down. There have been nights where those images have kept me awake, going over everything again whether I wanted to or not.

Even now, there are small, almost automatic moments that catch me off guard. Walking downstairs and, for a split second, expecting to see him sitting in his chair like always… just there, as if nothing had changed. In my head, I still picture him giving me that familiar thumbs up, that quiet way of saying “I’m alright.” And then reality settles in again, and it hits just as hard.

If it’s not your culture, don’t expect it to align with what you think it should be. That was a very hard lesson… and one that stays with you long after everything else has moved on.

Starting Over in the UK

After losing my dad, everything felt… heavy. Relationships were strained, emotions were high, and as the saying goes, there’s nothing like a wedding or a funeral to really bring out people’s true colours. I’ll let you fill in the blanks there. It’s funny how situations like that can either pull people closer or quietly create distance, and sometimes you don’t realise which one it is until you’re already in it.

Grief has a way of changing the atmosphere around you. Conversations feel different, patience runs thinner, and things that once felt simple suddenly feel complicated. There’s a lot left unsaid, a lot misunderstood, and a lot of “I didn’t expect that” moments.

Eventually, it was time to come back to the UK and try to rebuild something resembling a life again. That decision in itself wasn’t easy. It wasn’t just a case of booking a flight and coming home… it felt like closing a chapter I wasn’t ready to close, while also stepping into one I didn’t feel fully prepared for.

Starting over sounds very poetic until you’re actually doing it… Then it just feels like standing at the edge of a very deep, very bottomless pit and hoping you’ve got the energy to climb out. You’re not just rebuilding your routine, you’re rebuilding your mindset, your direction, and, in some ways, your identity. Everything feels slightly unfamiliar, even the things that should feel like home.

There’s also that strange in-between feeling, where you’re physically back, but mentally still catching up. Adjusting again, re-learning your surroundings, figuring out what “normal” looks like now… if it even exists anymore.

And in the middle of all of that, I had to leave behind a new little addition… my dog. A proper Heinz 57 in every sense apart from name, and she completely stole my heart within days. She became a constant, a bit of comfort in the middle of everything that wasn’t.

Leaving her was awful. Not dramatic, not exaggerated… just genuinely one of those quiet heartbreak moments. The kind where you know it’s temporary, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I still catch myself thinking she’ll be there, waiting, tail wagging like nothing ever changed.

I’m counting down the days until we’re reunited. She’s very loved, very missed, and, if I’m honest, probably living her best life, slightly spoiled, while I’m over here feeling sentimental and trying to get mine back on track.

Typical, bless her.

Life, Work & What’s Next

Somehow, through all of this, I’ve tried to keep the content going. Maybe not perfectly, maybe not consistently, but enough to keep things ticking over and to show you all I’m thinking of you… And occasionally I’ve kept it a little spicy, because let’s be honest, that’s part of the charm.

I’d genuinely love to know if it’s working for you. More of the same? Something different? Throw ideas at me, please… I’m always open. You know how to contact me, scribble your thoughts and suggestions down, and send them to [email protected]

I’m also still in constant contact with Sue the masseuse, so if there’s anything you’d like to see in the future… maybe a competition, a new service, or something a bit different, send it my way, and I’ll happily run it past her.

A few of you have asked if I’ll ever return to massage work. The honest answer? Probably not. Since returning from a very constant hot climate to what feels extremely cold, it’s highlighted my back problems considerably. Also, let’s face it, it’s one of those things you need the right mindset for, and I just don’t have that anymore. That part of me feels a little… worn out. And, to be real… You need energy, patience, and a certain spark, and I’m not sure I’ve got that in the same way these days. We’ll just say those glory days have gracefully retired…

Right now, writing is where my life is at. Call it a hobby, I’ve been working on building two sites from scratch… yes, from scratch, which has been as painful as it sounds when you don’t speak fluent “coding,” and nowhere near finished, as you can imagine. One will focus on erotic and romance stories, and the other will be a UK massage index. Ambitious? Slightly unhinged? Absolutely. But it keeps my mind occupied… and these days that’s half the battle.

Why Is Everything So Expensive Right Now?!

One thing I have noticed since being back in the UK… the price of everything has gone completely bonkers. Honestly, it feels like companies are just picking numbers out of thin air and going, “Yep, that’ll do.” As if we’re all secretly investing in the business rather than just trying to buy something and still afford to live afterwards.

And it’s not just little things either… It’s across the board. Everyday bits, services, things you don’t even think twice about… suddenly you’re standing there doing mental maths like you’re about to sit an exam, wondering if it’s worth it.

Case in point: I took my son’s car to one of those hand car washes. It had been sitting under trees for a while, so yes, there was a bit of green grime around the windows, and it needed a hoover. Nothing dramatic. They quoted me £50. I genuinely thought he was joking. I said absolutely not. Then, very generously, he dropped it to £45… as if that suddenly made it reasonable.

I mean, for washing and vacuuming a small car? I nearly offered to buy a sponge and do it myself out of principle.

But it’s not just here.. it’s something I saw while I was away too, especially when things started getting tense globally. When the situation around Iran was kicking off, flights suddenly became scarce because of fuel concerns and uncertainty. Prices didn’t just creep up… they bloody launched.

When I booked my flight, I didn’t have the luxury of shopping around or waiting for a better deal. It was very much a case of “take what you can get or risk not getting home at all.” I paid 54,000 baht, which already felt steep at the time… and then, just a week later, I watched prices jump to 143,000 baht for the same route.

Same seat. Same plane. Completely different reality.

And the worst part? I’d managed to get one of the last available seats at that earlier price. Another delay, another day of hesitation, and I would’ve been stuck paying more than double… or not getting back at all.

That’s what it feels like everywhere at the moment. Prices aren’t just rising… they’re unpredictable. There’s no logic to it anymore, no sense of consistency. Just a lot of “because we can” energy floating around, and the rest of us are left trying to keep up.

Seriously… where are these prices coming from? It’s getting ridiculous out here.

Rounding up where things stand

So that’s where things stand, my lovely readers. A bit messy, a bit emotional, slightly chaotic… but this is my After Dark Diaries life update, and it’s real.

It’s not tied up neatly, it’s not perfectly figured out, and I’m definitely still working things out as I go… but maybe that’s the point. Life doesn’t really pause while you get yourself together; it just keeps moving, and you either move with it or get dragged along, slightly kicking and swearing (which, let’s be honest, has definitely been me at times).

There are still days when everything feels a bit heavy, and others when things start to feel a little lighter again. It’s a process… not a quick one, not a tidy one, but a real one. And for now, that’s enough.

Thank you for sticking around, whether you’ve been here from the start, dipped in and out, or you’ve just stumbled across this little corner of the internet. It genuinely means more than you probably realise.

And when my little Heinz 57 bundle of trouble finally makes her way back to me, you’ll absolutely be seeing her. I’ll no doubt be that person sharing photos like a proud parent, so consider yourselves warned. She’s already got a personality, so expect chaos, attitude, and probably a few stories to go with her.

There’s more to come from me as always… more writing, more updates, maybe a few unexpected turns, and definitely the usual mix of honesty and a bit of sass thrown in for good measure. Oh, and don’t forget about the chaos after all, it’s me, chaos is never far away…

And knowing me… it won’t be boring.

— A.D.D

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