🌶️ Sue’s After-Dark Diaries Ep 7 Mark, Me & the Unwanted Vibration
🌶️ Sue’s After-Dark Diaries Ep 7
Mark, Me & the Unwanted Vibration
Reader Introduction
Welcome back, my delicious deviants!
You’re in for a juicy one today, because in Sue’s After-Dark Diaries Ep 7: Mark, Me & the Unwanted Vibration, things go from corkscrews to chaos faster than Dan can power up in the dark. If you recall Episode 6, Confessions in the Mirror, we left off with steamy reflections and a very complicated relationship with a handheld device. Now, Mark from upstairs has returned… and so has the drama. Oh, and yes, Dan’s still here. Still buzzing. Still ruining the mood at the worst possible moment.
So, grab a glass of something bold (red wine or matching lipstick encouraged), settle in somewhere scandalous, and prepare to laugh, blush, and reconsider the acoustics of your bedroom walls.
Episode 7: Mark, Me & the Unwanted Vibration
So, you know how last week I almost died of embarrassment when Mark, my flirty neighbour from upstairs, returned the corkscrew after hearing what I now call “The Great Meerkat Incident”? Yes, that one.
Well, he came back.
With an actual bottle of wine this time.
I kid you not, he showed up at my door, sleeves rolled up like a sexy sommelier, and handed me a bottle of red with the smoothness of a man who either wanted to apologise… or audition.
“Thought I’d save you the trip,” he said, winking. “In case your… meerkats get loud again.”
Cue me standing there in pyjama bottoms, a loose crop top with one boob basically free, and my hair doing a solid impersonation of tumbleweed. Very seductive. A real goddess moment.
“Thanks,” I replied, trying to remember how lips work.
He tilted his head. “Fancy sharing it?”
And just like that, Sue’s After-Dark Diaries: Episode 7 – Mark, Me & the Unwanted Vibration was officially underway.
The Wine, the Chat… the Vibrator Buzzing in the Distance
Fast forward fifteen minutes: I’d panic-cleaned the flat, slapped on lip balm like it was war paint, and cleared the living room of anything suspicious, except Dan. Dan was missing.
Now, for those of you new to my scandalous saga, Dan is my ride-or-die. My BOB (Battery Operated Boyfriend). My humming hero. The only man who knows my insides better than my gynaecologist.
And he had vanished.
I searched everywhere, under pillows, behind the cushions, even inside a cereal box (don’t ask). Nothing.
Until I heard it.
A distant hum. Faint. Sinister.
I froze. Mark was mid-story about paddle boarding in Croatia when the unmistakable buzzzzzzzzzzzzz pierced the air.
He paused. “Is that… your phone vibrating?”
Oh. Hell. No.
I tried to fake a cough. “Probably next door.”
The buzz grew louder. Like Dan was crawling toward us. Sentient. Horny. Vengeful.
Dan’s Dramatic Entrance
Suddenly, from under the sofa, Dan rolled out like a possessed lipstick.
Mark spotted it before I did. His eyes dropped to the floor, then to me, and then – oh God – he smiled.
“Is that… a toothbrush?”
“I have sensitive gums,” I blurted.
Dan vibrated in protest, as if to say, Don’t lie about me, Susan.
Mark picked it up, inspected it, and mercifully set it down on the table without a word. But the smile lingered.
You’d think this would kill the mood.
It did not.
The Wine Did Its Job… and So Did I
We moved to the sofa. I poured the wine with trembling hands, and we chatted about everything from bad dates to odd neighbours (cue mutual laughter and intentional eye contact). His leg brushed mine, once, twice, until I stopped pretending I didn’t notice.
And then he said, “Sue… you’re hilarious.”
And I said, “Mark… you’re tall.”
Because apparently that’s all my brain could come up with after one glass of merlot and years of vibrator dependency.
Then he leaned in.
And I panicked.
Not because I didn’t want it. I very much wanted it.
But because Dan, still ON – had now moved to the edge of the table and was vibrating closer to the wine glass like he wanted in on the action.
Before I could say anything, the glass tipped, red wine spilled, and Dan did a suicide dive into my cleavage.
Mark blinked.
I blinked.
Dan buzzed triumphantly between my boobs.
We Both Laughed. Then Things Got Serious.
I retrieved Dan, finally turned him off (rude), and flung him onto the sofa like a sweaty gymnast.
Mark was laughing so hard he nearly snorted.
I was mortified… but weirdly turned on?
He wiped a tear from his eye and said, “You know, I think I like your meerkats.”
And I, wine-fuelled and adrenaline-flooded, said, “Want to meet the whole safari?”
Clothes, Gone. Sense of Dignity? Also Gone.
Cut to us in my bedroom, giggling like teenagers and fumbling with buttons and zips like it was our first time playing strip poker, and neither of us knew the rules. It wasn’t a graceful undressing, it was a full-blown comedy sketch sponsored by gravity and bad coordination.
My bra somehow launched across the room with the velocity of a NASA test flight and landed squarely on my neglected peace lily. Mark’s shirt refused to cooperate and got tangled halfway over his head, turning him briefly into a very sexy, very confused ghost. I tried to be seductive and climb on the bed like a Bond girl. Instead, I slipped, elbowed him in the ribs, and fell off the side. Twice. Once with a thud, the second with a dramatic yelp that scared the dog out of the room.
And don’t even ask about my knickers. They decided to cling to one ankle like a dog refusing to give up its favourite chew toy, turning my attempted sexy straddle into something between a hop, a squat, and a desperate whisper of, “Ignore that cramp, I’m fine.”
When Chaos Turns Climax-Worthy
Still, when we finally landed in something resembling a human knot, and stopped laughing long enough to catch our breath, we found a rhythm. A delicious, clumsy, sweaty rhythm that made the chaos worth every bruise. His skin was warm against mine, his hands eager and exploratory, finding every soft spot and teasing every curve like a man on a very focused treasure hunt. His mouth moved across my collarbone with a hunger that made my toes curl, and I returned the favour by tracing a slow line down his stomach with my tongue, savouring every twitch and groan that escaped him like a reward.
“Bloody hell, Sue,” he muttered, voice rough with need, one hand fisted in the bedsheet, the other tangled in my hair. I could feel the throb of him against my thigh, hard and hot, pulsing with anticipation. I rolled my hips against his, teasing him with the wet slickness between my legs, letting him know exactly how ready I was without saying a word.
He responded by flipping me over with one confident sweep, pinning my wrists above my head with a cheeky grin. “You’ve been a very naughty neighbour,” he murmured, kissing a path from my jaw to the inside of my thigh, where he hovered – hovered, the bastard, just long enough to make me gasp and arch like a woman possessed.
Enter Dan: Uninvited, Unapologetic, Unbearably Loud
My breath hitched. My heart pounded. My whole body felt like it was vibrating.
Except… wait. That wasn’t me. Just as things were getting properly heated – Mark trailing his tongue up my thigh, fingers inching dangerously close to full-blown worship – Dan decided to wake up.
From under the bed, my traitorous vibrator powered itself on with a whir that could only be described as aggressive. An angry little buzz echoed off the floorboards, followed by the unmistakable strobe flash of his LED light. It was like someone had summoned a tiny, horny R2-D2 to join the party.
Mark froze mid-lick. “Is that… a fire alarm?”
I groaned, head dropping back on the pillow, then rolled sideways, half-laughing, half-mortified. “No, that’s just Dan. He gets jealous.”
Mark blinked at me. “Dan?”
I reached under the bed, still breathless, and fished him out by the base. Dan was vibrating at full power now, the audacity of a man who thinks he’s still relevant. “He’s battery operated. And apparently, emotionally unstable.”
Mark raised an eyebrow, then burst out laughing. “Well, Dan’s got impeccable timing.”
“I swear he does it on purpose,” I said, holding the wriggling culprit aloft like a microphone. “He waits until I’m about to get my first proper orgasm of the year and then tries to reclaim his throne.”
Dan Gets Benched
Mark leaned in, brushing a kiss just under my ear. “Then let’s make sure he knows who’s in charge now.”
He took Dan from my hand, switched him off like a man silencing a heckler, and tossed him gently into the laundry basket, face down, as if shamed. Then he turned back to me, eyes dark, smile slow and delicious.
“I think I can manage without backup,” he murmured.
“Oh, I know you can,” I replied, wrapping a leg around his waist, pulling him back into me, skin to skin, heat to heat.
And this time, there were no interruptions. Just the kind of deep, rolling pleasure that makes your vision blur and your brain forget your name. Mark moved inside me with the perfect mix of tenderness and pent-up hunger, our laughter replaced with moans, sighs, and the sound of the bed protesting slightly but heroically. Fingers gripped. Mouths met. Hips rolled. Everything slick, hot, and gloriously messy.
Aftermath & Peace Lilies in Shock
When we finally collapsed, breathless and tangled in the sheets, Dan was still sulking in the basket, and the peace lily had seen things no plant should ever see.
I turned to Mark and whispered, “So… same time next week?”
He grinned. “Only if Dan’s invited.”
The Post-Coital Cuddle… with a Side of Dan
We lay there afterward, basking in the glow of what can only be described as award-worthy sex and a minor exorcism. Mark was curled beside me, fingers lazily tracing along my hip bone, while I floated somewhere between smug satisfaction and total limb failure.
“That,” he murmured, “was bloody fantastic.”
“Mmm,” I agreed. “You’ve definitely earned your place on the guest list.”
He kissed my shoulder, cocky as anything. “So… was that better than Dan?”
I turned my head and smirked. “Dan doesn’t snore.”
Mark rolled onto his back, mock-offended. “I don’t snore!”
A Buzz From Beyond the Basket
From the laundry basket in the corner – where Dan had been tossed like a rejected talent show contestant – a low, angry buzz echoed out. One long vibration, muffled by tangled tights and the remnants of dignity.
We both looked toward the basket. The LED light blinked twice through the mesh like it was judging us.
“Is he battery-powered or just… cursed?” Mark asked, frowning.
“Honestly? I think he feeds on drama.”
I chucked a pillow at the basket, hitting it with a satisfying thump and silencing Dan mid-revolt.
Mark laughed, then leaned over me with a dangerous grin. “Should I be worried? Is he going to write a tell-all?”
“He’s already seen more action than most of my exes,” I replied, stretching lazily as Mark’s hand slid beneath the sheets once again.
Take Two (Dan, Stay Down)
This time, there was no fumbling. Just pure, slow build, his fingers coaxing fresh moans from my lips, his mouth trailing kisses down my chest until my thighs trembled and curled around his waist like instinct. My entire body responded like a fire alarm, only this time, Dan stayed silent.
Until the very peak, just as I gasped, arched, and let myself go completely, he buzzed one final time, a single last protest from his corner.
“Ignore him,” Mark whispered, slipping two fingers inside me, deep and steady. “He knows he’s been replaced.”
I came apart in his hands, the room spinning, sheets tangled, body limp and gloriously spent.
“Dan,” I panted, eyes half-closed. “He died doing what he loved – ruining orgasms.”
Closing Note
Dan may have lost the battle, but he’ll never stop trying. Mark, Me & the Unwanted Vibration had not only delivered new heights of hilarity and hotness, but also proved a valuable lesson:
Always check where your vibrator is before inviting a man over. Always.
And keep the corkscrew – you never know what you’ll need to open.
As for Mark? He’s officially on the team and pending review after brunch. Stay tuned for the next episode of Sue’s After-Dark Diaries, where things get even hotter, stranger, and a missing bloody Thong.
Until next time, keep buzzing.
Love,
🍷 Sue’s Little Bedroom Fixes
For when the corkscrew’s missing, but the buzz isn’t.
9-Pieces Corkscrew Wine Opener Set – “Because every accidental seduction deserves a proper toast.”
Bullet Vibrator with Remote Control for G Spot Stimulation – “For those moments when ‘unwanted vibrations’ turn into very welcome ones.”
Couples games – 220 Cards – Card games for adults – “A playful excuse to spend longer with Mark upstairs.”
Sinful Massage Oil Candle Set – 180 g Massage Candle Vanilla Scented – Melts into Massage Oil – “Light it, melt it, pour it—oops, that got messy fast.”
MXQHXZSX Locking Adult Game Toy Storage Organizer – “Because Dan really shouldn’t be left to greet the neighbours.”
HANZIM LED Candles,Flameless Candles 5″ 6″ 7″ 8″ 9″ Set of 5 Real Wax Battery Candle Pillars – “Dim the light and set the mood, safe with flailing limbs”
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💋 Thanks for slipping between the sheets with me…
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Diary of a Misbehaving Body Part – Entry#4 Clitoris
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