🌶️ Sue’s After-Dark Diaries Ep 39 Browsing, Buzzing & Very Bad Decisions
🌶️ Sue’s After-Dark Diaries Ep 39
Browsing, Buzzing & Very Bad Decisions
Reader Intro
Welcome back, darlings, to another wildly inappropriate chapter of Sue’s After-Dark Diaries — the only place where a quick coffee can spiral into public humiliation, emotional confusion, and a conversation about USB charging ports that absolutely should not have happened in front of strangers.
After Episode 38’s café catastrophe, I should’ve gone home. Any sensible woman would have gone home, put Dan in a drawer, blocked Mark temporarily for personal growth, and avoided Sharon for at least forty-eight hours.
Instead?
I ended up in an adult shop with all three of them.
And somehow that still wasn’t the worst decision I made that afternoon.
Coffee Ended. The Bad Decisions Continued.
The problem with Mark is that he never lets a joke die naturally.
He nurtures it.
Feeds it attention.
Turns it into a full-scale logistical operation.
“That shop’s only ten minutes away,” he said casually as we left the café, like he was suggesting a quick stop for milk and not a direct attack on my remaining dignity.
“We are not going,” I replied instantly.
“We’re absolutely going,” Sharon said.
Benji barked.
Such a traitor.
I tightened my grip on my bag, which still contained Dan, currently humming every few minutes like he was trying to remain involved in the democratic process.
“Look,” I said, trying to sound mature and emotionally evolved, “I do not need to browse vibrators in broad daylight with my ex-almost-boyfriend and my neighbour.”
Mark smiled. “That’s exactly what someone about to browse vibrators in broad daylight would say.”
“I hate your confidence.”
“You love my confidence.”
Unfortunately, that was harder to argue with than it should’ve been.
The Walk to the Shop Was Somehow Worse
The adult shop sat halfway down the high street between a vape shop and a suspiciously aggressive tanning salon.
Which somehow felt exactly right.
The second we approached the entrance, Dan buzzed loudly in my bag.
bzzzzzzzz
Mark laughed immediately. “He knows.”
“He knows nothing,” I hissed.
“He sounds threatened,” Sharon added.
“He is a battery-operated object!”
Another buzz.
Longer.
More dramatic.
Mark leaned closer as we walked. “You realise this is emotional now, right?”
“This conversation is why society is collapsing.”
Sharon adjusted Benji in her arms like she was preparing him for cultural enrichment. “Honestly, Sue, modern technology matters.”
“Why are you both talking like divorced parents discussing school options?”
Benji sneezed.
Even he seemed overwhelmed.
Entering the Shop of No Return
The second those automatic doors opened, I knew I’d made a terrible mistake.
Soft purple lighting.
Velvet displays.
Suspiciously sensual jazz music.
And shelves upon shelves of things designed to ruin self-control and possibly lower back stability.
“Welcome!” chirped the sales assistant.
She was entirely too cheerful for someone surrounded by silicone and poor judgment.
Mark immediately looked comfortable.
That should’ve been my warning.
Sharon wandered off with the confidence of a woman attending a trade exhibition.
Meanwhile, I hovered awkwardly beside a display labelled:
“Luxury Rechargeable Pleasure Collection.”
Dan buzzed.
Violently.
I slapped my bag.
“Behave.”
The sales assistant blinked. “Sorry?”
“My phone,” I lied.
Mark coughed into his hand to hide a laugh.
Terrible actor.
Mark Became Far Too Invested
Within five minutes, Mark was fully participating.
Not emotionally.
Worse.
Enthusiastically.
“What about this one?” he asked, casually lifting something sleek and terrifyingly expensive.
I nearly inhaled my own tongue.
“Why are you holding it like you understand it?”
“I understand engineering,” he replied.
“That is not engineering.”
The sales assistant nodded seriously. “Actually, this model has dual stimulation settings.”
Mark looked impressed.
I wanted the floor to open and claim me spiritually.
Sharon reappeared holding three boxes and what looked like dangerous confidence.
“Oh, this one’s incredible,” she announced loudly. “Waterproof, whisper-quiet, and app-controlled.”
I stared at her. “Why do you know phrases like app-controlled?”
“Because I believe in progress.”
Dan buzzed from my bag like an offended pensioner resisting modernisation.
Mark smirked. “He’s taking this personally.”
“He doesn’t HAVE personal feelings.”
“Neither did Alexa,” Sharon replied.
Honestly, fair point.
The Demonstration That Should Never Have Happened
And then things escalated.
Because apparently humiliation has layers.
The sales assistant — whose name badge said Tanya — became deeply committed to customer service.
“Oh!” she said brightly. “Would you like me to explain the charging systems?”
No.
Absolutely not.
But before I could answer, Sharon said:
“Yes.”
Traitor.
Tanya reached for a display model with the professionalism of someone presenting kitchen appliances on daytime television.
“This one uses batteries,” she explained.
Normal enough.
Then she held up another.
“And this model is USB rechargeable.”
Mark raised an eyebrow. “Very modern.”
Why was he sounding impressed?
Tanya smiled. “It’s very popular with couples.”
I nearly blacked out.
Mark glanced sideways at me with entirely too much amusement. “Interesting.”
“It’s not interesting,” I snapped.
“It sounds interesting.”
Dan buzzed loudly.
Tanya looked at my bag.
I looked at the ceiling.
Sharon whispered:
“The pink one’s furious.”
Tanya then reached for another display model with terrifying enthusiasm.
“This one has seven pulse settings,” she explained brightly.
“Seven feels unnecessary,” I muttered.
Mark picked up the demo model beside him. “What does this button do?”
“Mark—”
Too late.
bZZZZZZZZZZ.
The thing erupted in his hand like a technologically advanced wasp.
I yelped.
Tanya smiled professionally. “That’s the deep oscillation mode.”
Benji immediately growled.
Not a cute growl either.
A full suspicious little rrrrrrr from Sharon’s arms like he genuinely believed Mark had activated an enemy.
“Oh my god,” Sharon whispered. “He thinks it’s alive.”
“It basically IS alive,” Mark laughed, still holding the violently vibrating demo toy.
Benji barked sharply.
The thing buzzed harder in Mark’s hand like it had suddenly developed intent.
“Jesus CHRIST,” Mark laughed, fumbling slightly as the thing lurched violently in his grip.
I grabbed the counter for emotional support.
Meanwhile, Tanya remained completely calm, which, honestly, made the whole situation more disturbing.
“That setting is very popular with couples,” she said.
I briefly considered faking my own death beside the lubricant display.
Sharon Lost All Sense of Public Behaviour
At this point, Sharon had become impossible to manage.
Not difficult.
Impossible.
She was now openly discussing vibrators with Tanya, like they were reviewing holiday destinations.
“Well, my black one has excellent battery life,” she said conversationally.
I physically recoiled.
Mark nearly choked laughing.
Tanya nodded professionally. “That’s a very reliable range.”
WHY WAS EVERYONE TREATING THIS LIKE A TED TALK?
Meanwhile, Benji was sitting in Sharon’s arms, watching the entire conversation like a deeply judgmental therapist.
Dan buzzed again.
bzzzzzzzz
Mark leaned toward me. “You’re blushing.”
“I’m overheating from stress.”
“You’re overheating because Tanya just said couples.”
“I will throw myself into traffic.”
The Purchase I Was Bullied Into Making
I wish I could say I stood strong.
I didn’t.
Somewhere between Sharon’s relentless commentary, Mark’s smug flirting, and Tanya’s disturbingly informative product knowledge…
…I cracked.
“Well, this one has excellent reviews,” Tanya said, handing me a sleek rose-gold box that looked far too elegant for the emotional damage it represented.
Mark nodded approvingly. “Very sophisticated.”
“I don’t want sophisticated,” I muttered.
Sharon gasped dramatically. “Sue, you deserve sophistication.”
Dan buzzed.
Sharp.
Almost offended.
I looked down at my bag.
“Don’t start.”
Tanya smiled politely, clearly assuming I was having some sort of technologically difficult relationship.
Which, honestly, wasn’t inaccurate.
And before I fully processed what was happening…
…I bought it.
Reader, I purchased a vibrator under group pressure.
That’s where my life is now.
The Bag Situation Became Critical
The second Tanya placed the new purchase into my already dangerous handbag, everything changed.
The bag was now carrying:
- Dan
- The new model
- A charging cable
- Lipstick
- Loose receipts
- And what remained of my dignity
It was too much power in one place.
Mark looked deeply entertained.
“You realise this is the happiest your handbag has ever been.”
“My handbag is now legally suspicious.”
Sharon nodded. “It has energy.”
Dan buzzed again.
Then…
A second vibration.
Different rhythm.
I froze.
Mark froze.
Sharon’s eyes widened.
“Oh my GOD,” she whispered. “They’re communicating.”
“I’m leaving,” I announced immediately.
Leaving the Shop With Less Dignity Than I Entered With
The walk out of the shop felt deeply exposing.
Like everyone on the street somehow knew.
Which was ridiculous.
But also possibly true because Sharon was carrying the branded shopping bag openly like she’d just won an award.
“Can you PLEASE hide that?” I hissed.
“Why?” she asked innocently. “Women supporting women.”
“Women humiliating women.”
Mark walked beside me, looking entirely too pleased with himself.
“You did well in there.”
“I survived in there.”
“You asked questions.”
“I was cornered!”
“You compared charging systems.”
“That was under duress.”
Dan buzzed again from my bag.
The new one answered.
I stopped walking.
“No.”
Another buzz.
Different pitch.
Sharon grabbed my arm. “Sue…”
“I swear to god if they start syncing…”
bzzzz-bzzzz
Mark completely lost his composure.
I hate him for how attractive he is when he laughs.
The Phone Call That Changed Everything
And then my phone rang.
Finally.
A normal sound.
Except it wasn’t normal because the second I answered, I remembered something deeply important.
The charity event.
Tonight.
The one I was hosting.
Literally the one with actual people. Respectable people. Community people.
The one I was supposed to be at in under an hour.
“Oh no.”
Mark immediately noticed my face. “What?”
I closed my eyes.
“I have the fundraiser.”
Sharon blinked. “Tonight?”
“Yes, tonight!”
“The women’s support fundraiser?” Mark asked.
I stared at him. “Why do you know about that?”
“You talk in your sleep.”
Honestly, horrifying information.
My stomach dropped.
Because suddenly I realised several deeply upsetting things:
- I didn’t have time to go home
- My bag was now technologically haunted
- Sharon still had Benji
- Mark was absolutely not going to leave
- And the local paper would be attending the event
Dan buzzed softly.
The new one buzzed back.
Almost… excited.
I looked toward the heavens.
“Dear God,” I whispered, “please let both of them run out of battery before 7pm.”
Mark smiled slowly.
“Oh, Sue,” he said.
“That bag’s absolutely going to betray you tonight.”
And honestly?
The worst part was…
He was probably right.
Final Thought
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from today, it’s this:
Never let Mark turn a joke into an itinerary.
Because what starts as “just browsing” quickly becomes:
- emotional instability
- public oversharing
- advanced charging discussions
- and a handbag full of technologically complicated secrets
And somehow?
Tomorrow is still going to be worse.
And trust me, darlings…
if you thought the adult shop was chaotic, you are absolutely not prepared for Episode 40
Because next time? There’s a charity fundraiser, a room full of respectable people, one dangerously overpacked handbag… and a public speaking disaster so catastrophic even Sharon briefly loses the ability to breathe from laughing.
Honestly, I may never emotionally recover.
Let yourself be carried away into the exciting world of sex swings. Give into the enchantment of the romance, passion, and deep sensuality that come with celebrating your love together. Surrender to the unique feeling of deep intimacy through shared peaks of passion.
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📧 Drop Me a Line, You Naughty Wanderers…
Hey, my deliciously daring darlings… I can practically feel the secrets tingling between your toes. That midnight tiptoe across a hotel carpet, the sly brush of an ankle under the dinner table, the time your feet led you straight into trouble, and you loved every scandalous second.
Why hoard those toe-curling tales? Kick off your heels, wiggle free, and spill the juiciest, most wicked foot-fetish confessions you’ve got. I want the stories that make my pulse race, my cheeks flush, and my soles itch to join the fun.
Think you’ve got what it takes to make me squirm? Slide your steamiest secret into my inbox at [email protected] . Fair warning: I’m hard to shock… but a bold, barefooted confession? That just might do it.
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