The Start Of Something New!

True Story

Good morning readers,

I know, my posts can be quite random at times but thats just the way I am. Maybe being this way isn’t such a bad thing, and maybe it keeps my blog interesting enough for you to keep popping back? 

Go and grab yourself a coffee and put your feet up, this isn’t a 2 minute read. How could it be to get the real gist of this True Story 🤔

The Start of something new is a true story, A small insight into my private life. It’s about taking a leap of faith and opening my fragile heart enough, to trust in someone new and whom I believe is worthy. It’s certainly not an easy task when you’ve been burnt previously.

As you all know, I have struggled and had to reach out for a little support earlier this year. Well, this is also part of that support/healing process. Bye way of talking about situations and in my case, writing about them, it’s a sure way to help put myself back on track.

The start of something new!

Let’s start at the beginning. A number of years ago a friend placed an advert about me on Adultwork. A Female Masseuse amongst the escorts.

February 2019, I was contact by this gent, some years younger than myself and after chatting, agreed to see him. A lovely single man, gentle natured, professional and handsome.

Over the years that followed, he had returned a number of times and yes there was a spark their and on one visit the session did become a little heated but I didn’t allow it to happen again in further sessions.

We always chatted about personal things, building that trust between 2 people as one does. The latter part of this year was different. We both were struggling with a few issues and to help each other out and wearing my heart on my sleeve, I trusted him enough to give him my personal telephone number.

Privately, I had always fancied him but suppressed those feelings as i’m a realist and taking into account how fragile my personal life is, I wasn’t going there. The last thing I needed was further upheaval and rejection. Simply, I couldn’t allow myself to be hurt again and completely unsure whether I could cope with my heart being battered once more.

You see, I Love like I hate, with love I’m extremely passionate wearing my heart on my sleeve which makes me vulnerable. With hate, i’m venomous although this is very rare as I don’t easily hate anyone or anything. (No1 hate is spiders!).

Oops… getting back to the story, apologies 🙄

The last couple of months, we exchange a number of texts and with me being careful to keep my distance, as not to allow this man inside my head, on occasions, this meant in some cases not rushing to reply to his text.

Right on time the doorbell rang, my heart skipped a beat but I kept it all in check. We sat in my kitchen and chatted about everything from family, crypto, world events and then us!

It had become fairly cold so i suggested we move into my lounge. I closed the curtains and put the fire on and he said “come here and cuddle up to get warm”.

I didn’t hesitate and snuggled up close and in that instance my protective wall that I had built had vanished. Unknowingly, I was a lamb to the slaughter.

We continue to chat about us and I’m upfront, I like clarity, I want to know before anything starts that we are both on the same page and what our expectations are. He told me he had always fancied me, always wanted me, wanted to call me partner as well as taking it slow. He’d been burnt previously as well, but most of all, he wanted exclusivity and he wanted me! Sue is my work life and he assured me it wasn’t a problem. He understood that my work belongs to Sue and not me.

OMG I was flying high, elevated beyond the stars and then some. I had longed for this moment and to hear those reassuring words, I felt as if I was the cat that got the cream. 

To hear someone say they actually see the real me and want to be with me for who I am as a person was overwhelming. I know you can’t call it love because it wasn’t, love is something that comes with time, but at that moment, I felt real, free and above all truly wanted at long last!

He kissed me and I melted further until I was flooded with emotion. Eventually, the passion came as his hands caressed my body. I didn’t stop to ask or questions what was happening because I knew we were on the same page and he wanted all of me, not sue but me!

My jumper came off, his jumper came off, my trouser came off, his trousers came off and before you could say BOO we were making magic.

Wow and wow again, it was perfect and I couldn’t believe what had just happened between us.  I didn’t regret any of it, how could I when i’m flying so high. We were on the same page, we were partners and it was the start of something new, magic in the making.

I knew when he arrived he couldn’t stay too long as he was expecting a conference call at a specific time and had to be home to take it.

At my door he cuddled me kissed me and cuddled me a little more before racing off home to take the call.

I attentively sent him a text saying “Hi partner, Just wanted to say wow and wow again… literally can’t stop smiling 😊 xx” and in reply, he text back, “Me either! Just made it x”

I’m not a demanding soul and because of past experiences, I don’t expect a lot from anyone.  Because we had started something which I considered to be special, I just wanted him to realise that I wasn’t a cold person and that I was thinking about him. After all, he had blown me out of the water for not sending texts previously.

The next day, I sent him another text and I quote “Still Smiling 😁 x” Thats all I sent but I never received a reply. The following day, I sent him another text and I quote “Hey, is everything ok? Not sure what to think? x” and again there was no reply.

By now my brain is somewhat confused, whats going on? have I, yet again been fed a load of lies? I’m trying to question but the answers come, he’s not like that, he’s genuine, but he likes me, we are on the same page, we had the start of something magical, didn’t we? 

Another day passes and because I always think of the good in people and make excuses for them, I’m telling myself, “don’t worry, he’s not like that”. “He’s a nice genuine guy who wants the same as me, we are partners”.

The day had come and gone and still I hadn’t heard from him. Trying to protect my fragile state, I decided to accept he was never going to text me. I had once again been lied to, used and hurt for his self gratification.

I’m a worldly women with broad shoulders so, If he had decided in the morning he had made a mistake or that I wasn’t what he wanted, why wouldn’t he have said something? He could have sent at the least a one liner, that would have sufficed.

Yes that would have been brutal but, you can’t beat honesty! To blatantly ignore me and treat me with such contempt is enormous and hurts more than words can explain. I’ve been left in a state of confusion and now believe once more, i’m not good enough for anyone.

At 8.15pm I send this text

“I’m getting the distinct impression that you are ignoring me which isn’t a great feeling, especially after what was said and happened between us on Wednesday. I’m guessing you’ve had a change of heart. I may look and act strong but i’m really not, you’ve hurt me. so thanks for that. At the very least you could have said something. Don’t worry, I’m not one for drama and understand i’m obviously not what you want. It would have been nice to have been treated with a little respect though. Take care XXXX, I won’t bother you again and wish you well. x”

You guessed it! Again, NO reply…

The sad thing is, I can see he’s read my messages, I can see when he’s been on the platform so I ask, why would anybody do this to someone? 

Just thought this morning I would reach out one last time using my phone to text this time, wrongly or rightly. as I said I wouldn’t contact him again.  Just to say, “at the very least we are friends but please say something even if it’s F**k off!” but again, no reply!

I’m left hanging, what did I do wrong? I don’t know… Maybe I have this invisible sign on my forehead saying “feel free to use me as your whipping post”!

I’ve felt myself start to spiral down again as rejection hits home loud and clear. It’s not a fun place to be, I can assure you.

So, whats the moral of my story?

I’m not really sure. I’m thinking in todays society, I can’t allow myself to believe anybody is real, it seems people are all out for themselves and have their own agendas.What a sad world we now all live in!

Don’t get BURNT people!

Have a lovely day people and take care of you and yours,

Sue x

Get in-touch via email and leave your content for future posts thx. contact@femalemasseuse.co.uk

Thank you for your time and patience and above all, your support!