Thank you for your question on such a delicate situation. I don’t have all the answers but I will try and advise you from a women’s perspective.
It’s always sad when I hear things like this and believe me, I hear lots of similar remarks from both men and women.
As you haven’t broached this subject with your wife before, i’m guessing you find it difficult to be open and honest with each-other. In this case, try the subtle approach first.
Pick up some leaflets or print off some information from your local gym and leave them on the table so she will see them. This should start a conversation on the subject of loosing weight and getting fit. Maybe tell her it’s something you can do together, trying to encourage her into seeing what you see.
If the response your wanting isn’t there, then it’s time for that conversation and I know from your email, it’s going to be difficult. These conversations are never easy when you care about someone and don’t want to hurt them but in your case, I believe for the sake of your marriage, it needs to be said.
Pick your moment when you’re both alone and tell her you need to have a chat. Take a deep breath because now you need to be honest. You don’t need to be brutal, your wife will be hurt with your honesty anyway.
Start by asking her if there is anything causing her anxiety as to why she’s give-up caring about herself. She will probably be in denial and ask you “what do you mean?”
From here you can say, you’ve noticed how much weight she has gained and it seems you don’t care about yourself anymore. Her brain will now go into overdrive and depending on her reaction i.e aggressive and angry or hurt and tearful you can then take the next step.
Sometimes women will act aggressive and angry to coverup their real feelings, pain and being found out. Others will be hurt and tearful because they already know and don’t know what to do.
Wrap your words up kindly and and tell her the truth about how you really feel. Tell her you care about her and want to help her. Make her feel loved and secure, but at the same time, telling her that things need to change.
Once the dust has settled, 99% of women in this situation will try to change and address the situation because now her eyes have been opened and she will see what you see. They will try to do their upmost to repair their marriage and make their partner want them they way they used to.
Hang in there and help her to achieve the weight loss and i’m sure you will fancy your wife sexually once more.
I hope my comments have helped and enlighten you a little.
I know being honest with such a personal dilemma as yours isn’t easy when you care about the other persons feelings, but saying nothing is worse.
Good luck and I hope it all works out for you.
The key is to keep talking to each other, if something isn’t right how will your partner know!