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Hello my lovely readers

Im back again and here to hopefully answer, help or give advice to your questions.

Hi Sue

I don’t know if you can give me any advice from your wealth of knowledge and you are a women. I don’t want to run this by my mates and I don’t want anyone to know my problems. Im kinda embarrassed about it to be honest, I thought because this is anonymous, you might be able to through some light on my problem? Im seriously pulling my hair out!

Question

Im 28 and I got married a couple of years ago to my girlfriend, we were dating over a year before we got married. We were solid/happy before we got married and sex was damn good but since we’ve been married its like she don’t want to know. Sex is off limits!! I think I am a nice bloke, I keep myself in fair shape, I’m considerate and have been bloody patient. Don’t get me wrong I do love her but I do not want to live the rest of my life with sex once a month if I am lucky. Ive tried to talk to her but it just ends up in a flaming row. I am so fed up and feeling rejected, any suggestions from you sue would be nice.

From a desperate bloke – Adrianoxo

Answer

Hi Adrianoxo

Thank you for sending me your question, I will do my best to offer you some advice on your delicate situation.

Let me just say how sorry I am to hear your plight, from my understanding, this is not a common situation, you would normally find this situation after years of marriage and not as soon as the rings have been exchanged.

I do understand your frustrations, both of you should still be in the honeymoon period, carefree and wanting to be making love morning noon and night. Please try to hang in there, marriage is something special and does need to be worked at and cherished. You have contacted me so this tells me you haven’t given up which is great news.

I know you have said that you have tried to talk to her about this, but maybe your approach was the wrong. I’m suggesting you need to go out for a nice meal somewhere, this will help to keep both your tempers in check and give you a fighting chance to talk.

Over the main course broach the subject softly by telling her you lover her, you are her husband and you are there to help no matter what the problem is. Then you can explain how the rejection, of once was a great sex life is making you feel unwanted and you miss the special connection you both had . Explain that you have been a patient man but this situation can’t continue and we need to talk and become one so we can both help and understand each other through this problem.

If I were you, I wouldn’t mention that you don’t want to spend the rest of your life in this situation, especially not just yet, hopefully you wont ever need to bring that up! depending how reciprocal she is will determine your next move.

Please bear in mind, your wife could be suffering with depression and sex is normally one of the first things to go if this is the case. Whilst talking to her you might have suspicions of depression. She might say she’s tired, she feel’s unhappy lots of the time or is tearful etc. There are many symptoms of depression. Offer to go with her to the doctors, show your support, in lots of cases, people with depression don’t realise they are depressed and a little medical intervention can really help.

There is no easy answer to your question but hopefully I have given you food for thought as to your next move, Be patient and loving and i’m sure your situation will work out just fine for the both of you.

Good luck and take care!

Sue x

Do you have a question? maybe you need some advice? Serious, sexual, humorous or just matter of fact. Email me at [email protected]  All answers will be posted on Sue’s Agony Posts. Your personal details will be kept anonymous for your discretion, please sign off with a user name.