The After-Dark Diaries 2025 Naughty Christmas Quiz

Which Filthy Festive S**g Are You Pulling (or Being) This Christmas?

Intro

Office parties, fairy lights, cheap prosecco, and someone who looks ten times fitter with tinsel in their hair.

Answer these 10 questions, tally your letters, and find out exactly which festive sexual disaster (or triumph) you’re destined for this December.

1. Christmas party outfit of choice?

A. Sharp shirt / little black dress – looks innocent until the jacket comes off
B. Ugly Christmas jumper… and zero underwear underneath
C. Full suit or sleek dress, top buttons strategically undone by 10 p.m.
D. Tinsel. Mostly tinsel.

2. Secret Santa £10 budget – what did you actually buy?

A. Something tasteful but cheeky (Ann Summers gift card, obviously)
B. £45 remote toy “as a joke”
C. Bottle of gin + a note that definitely crosses a line
D. Re-gifted last year’s vibrator with fresh batteries

3. Someone holds mistletoe over your head. You…

A. Smile politely and wait to see who’s brave enough
B. Grab the hottest person in the room and snog them senseless
C. Casually manoeuvre your work crush into range
D. You brought your own mistletoe headband for this exact reason

4. Mulled wine tolerance level?

A. Two glasses and I’m still vertical
B. Three glasses and I’m calling everyone “darling”
C. Whatever’s strongest and free
D. I brought a hip-flask of vodka to improve it

5. “Fairytale of New York” comes on. You…

A. Slow-dance ironically and catch unexpected feelings
B. Scream the swear words and start an obscene conga line
C. Use the Pogues as cover to grind on someone you shouldn’t
D. Already in the loos getting thoroughly ruined by the guitar solo

6. Your Christmas-party plus-one is…

A. The situation-ship who swears they “don’t do labels”
B. Whoever looks tastiest under the disco ball at 11 p.m.
C. Your ex “as friends” (lol)
D. Officially, nobody… but you’ve booked a hotel room anyway

7. Journey home?

A. Sensible shared Uber with colleagues
B. “Shared” Uber that mysteriously reroutes to theirs
C. Already in the back seat with someone’s hand where it shouldn’t be
D. Walking – need to burn calories before round two at theirs

8. Morning-after walk of shame?

A. Still wearing last night’s eyeliner/shirt, heels or shoes in hand
B. Rocking their Christmas jumper and nothing else
C. Smirking because you both have to be back at the office in two hours
D. Strutting. Tinsel scarf, zero regrets.

9. Your 2026 New Year’s resolution?

A. Stop shagging people from work
B. Start shagging people from work
C. Finally, sleep with that married hottie in Accounts
D. Invest in better blackout curtains and soundproofing

10. First text you send the morning after?

A. “Last night was fun… coffee?”
B. Accidental voice note of you moaning their name to the group chat
C. “Same time next year?”
D. Just the mistletoe emoji – they know what’s up

Results – tally up your letters!

Mostly A’s → The Slow-Burn Sophisticate

You’ve been flirting across meeting-room tables since June. This Christmas the tension finally snaps. Expect classy hotel sex, breakfast in bed, and a January panic about HR.

Mostly B’s → The Chaotic Mistletoe Gremlin

You are the reason the emergency exit gets used for non-emergencies. Your body count by New Year’s Eve will rival the John Lewis queue. Absolute legend.

Mostly C’s → The Smirking Power Move

Ice-cool on the surface, pure filth underneath. Everyone thinks you’re sensible until they’re tied to the headboard with your work tie. Delicious.

Mostly D’s → The Tinsel Terror

You don’t just bring the party – you are the party. You’ve already christened the photocopier, the disabled loo, and the roof terrace “for the view”. Iconic.

There you go – completely inclusive, still filthy, still guaranteed to get shared in every work WhatsApp group this December.

Tag your mates and tell them which result they are. Zero judgement… much chaos.

Merry Christmas, you gorgeous disasters.

After-Dark Diaries x

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